FEEDBACK just bought a Speedo snorkel. The instructions supplied are for the most part refreshingly sensible, advising against diving too deep, for instance, or overbreathing before going underwater. But one large-print warning puzzles. 鈥淯se only in water,鈥� stresses Speedo.
Where else would someone use a mask and snorkel tube? Walking, driving or riding on dry land? In an ocean of methane or ethanol? Climbing a mountain or dancing? Or dining out?
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Holidaying in Scotland, David Moss was bemused by a sign encouraging him to exercise the ultimate in caution: 鈥淪low down / please drive with care / 0 MPH
APPARENTLY 56 per cent of the adult population snores. 鈥淐onsequentially,鈥� we read in a for an app for your iThing on the Apple iTunes store, 鈥渋t is estimated that people who have partners who snore regularly spend a total of two years of their lives awake?鈥� As little as two years?
Paul Thorpe has decoded the claim in the product description that 鈥渢his app has sound frequencies that detect snoring in the environment and puts an end to it by emitting sounds during the snoring.鈥�
鈥淕enerating noise on detection of snoring,鈥� he points out, 鈥渄oes not seem to address the issue.鈥� Maybe there is another app that one鈥檚 partner can use to filter out the sound made by the anti-snoring app?
鈥淥f course,鈥� Paul concludes, 鈥渢hen the first app, to remain effective, would need countermeasures鈥︹��
Start of a specialism, gods willing
ON 7 January we reported: 鈥淚nstrument supplier Anton Paar has filed a patent application for 鈥榤easurement of the theological properties of material samples鈥�. Andy Prior applauds this concern for smart materials鈥� beliefs.鈥�
Nigel Perry reports that this could be a swiftly growing field of research. He notes a on the SAE International website entitled 鈥淩heology of jet fuel contaminated hydraulic fluid鈥�. This states: 鈥淎 coaxial cylinder viscometer has been used to determine the theological properties of a hydraulic fluid鈥︹�� Perhaps Andy and Nigel should start jockeying for the inevitable professorship? And perhaps they 鈥� or some other interested party 鈥� could explain what鈥檚 going on here. We suspect the curse of the spellchucker.
READER Martin Gardiner admits he got wound up when battling the internet banking system of a well-known financial corporation. His PI(N) number, which he is quite convinced was the correct one, kept getting refused.
Later, the helpful representative at the bank鈥檚 call centre informed him that: 鈥淪ometimes it鈥檚 not the actual data you enter, but the way in which you enter it.鈥� Martin has been trying to use his computer keyboard more affably since then, but he says he鈥檚 still having problems.
POORLY chosen acronym of the month: the word PUNT appears in a recent press release from the US National Nuclear Security Administration, where it stands for 鈥淧eaceful Uses of Nuclear Technology鈥� 鈥� as in 鈥淯.S., China Advance Nuclear Safety and Security Cooperation through Peaceful Uses of Nuclear Technology (PUNT) Agreement.鈥�
Not only is PUNT ugly, it is also unsuitable. In US slang it means giving up, delaying or trying to pass a problem on to someone else. It probably derives from the practice in sports such as rugby and American football of 鈥減unting鈥� (kicking) the ball away when a player is stuck and bound to lose control of it anyway.
AS WE reported on 19 May, canal enthusiast Wally Pratt proposes to deal with the problem of unequal distribution of water across the UK by dehydrating the water where there is plenty of it, then transporting it in pellet form to hydrate it again in areas of drought.
Bruce Lucas suggests taking the idea a step further: 鈥淚 think Wally Pratt is not such a wally nor a pratt, but is thinking futuristically. Given the way we are polluting our waterways, it may become necessary to dehydrate the water at source, transport the oxygen and hydrogen separately and recombine them at the user point.鈥�
Feedback wonders: are these suggestions entirely serious?
DON鈥橳 bother breaking into this van. Ben Cracknell sends a photo of a delivery vehicle bearing on its back door the message: 鈥淣o medicine, money or oxygen is left in this vehicle overnight.鈥�
鈥淭hose doors,鈥� as he notes, 鈥渉ave a good seal on them.鈥� We鈥檙e worried about the difficulty of opening them in the morning, unless the van鈥檚 owners avoid a partial vacuum by replacing the missing oxygen with another gas.
And鈥� is there really an 鈥渋nformal market鈥� in illicit oxygen? Feedback suddenly feels ridiculously innocent.
FINALLY, delight is the only word to describe Chris Milburn鈥檚 feelings about his purchase on 21 June of a Dell Inspiron 15 computer from Tier 1 Online 鈥� and especially the delivery service. He copies us an order completion note showing that it shipped on 20 June. Feedback wonders what Tier 1 goods that we hadn鈥檛 yet thought of purchasing are even now winging their way to us.