THE copyright statement that Isobel Clarke found at the bottom of a music review on () seemed so excessively inclusive that she sent it to Feedback with her comments.
The statement reads: 鈥淭his article or any part of it, however small, must not be copied, quoted, reproduced, downloaded or altered in any way whatsoever nor stored in any retrieval system. Failure to comply is in breach of International Copyright Law and will render any offender liable to action at law.鈥�
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Isobel notes: 鈥淭he 鈥榟owever small鈥� phrase must include every letter and punctuation mark in the article. Therefore I must conclude that virtually everything written in the Latin alphabet since the publication of this document (2010) is in breach of copyright 鈥� including this letter.
鈥淭aking this further, the phrase 鈥榓ny retrieval system鈥� must include the human brain, and so it was obviously illegal for me to read the article (and store the contents in my brain) but there was no way of knowing this until I had read it. Should I feel guilty?鈥�
What鈥檚 more, it seems to Isobel that 鈥淔eedback cannot legally report anything of this for that would mean reproducing the copyright statement, but maybe in the eternal quest for free speech you should risk it.鈥�
We checked with an expert and we are allowed to reproduce these terms and conditions, with attribution, for the purposes of reporting news and current affairs, whatever they say.
Whether we鈥檙e allowed to think about them, we鈥檙e less sure.
The 鈥渞eservation confirmation鈥� email that car-hire firm Europcar sent Nicholas Sibbett specified that 鈥淭he driver age must be minimum 21 maximum 999鈥�
Apples that are 98 per cent pure
SURPRISED at a sticky label claiming that some recently purchased apples were 鈥�100% pure apples鈥�, reader Yertle Turtle asked: 鈥淲hat would a 98 per cent pure apple look like?鈥� (3 November).
Readers have been quick to offer suggestions. Gary Anderson was one of several who noted: 鈥淎 98 per cent pure apple would be the one with the maggot in it.鈥�
Graham Reed and Guy Cox were even more concise, specifying that the impure apple would be the one containing the larva of the codling moth.
John Kinross saw things differently. 鈥淭he 98 per cent one,鈥� he said, 鈥渉as one of those annoying plastic stickers on it.鈥�
Obliterating the beginning of time
WHEN she decided to clear her browsing history for the first time in Google Chrome, Shelley Williamson was invited to 鈥渙bliterate the following items鈥� from a choice of 鈥�1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, 4 weeks or the beginning of time鈥�.
Without thinking about the possible consequences, she chose 鈥渢he beginning of time鈥� 鈥� but then, as she clicked on it, she was seized with the thought that she may have set in motion the wheels of the demise of the universe.
Shortly afterwards, when it became clear that nothing untoward had happened, she relaxed 鈥� and decided to inform Feedback.
A BOARD outside a Clements eatery in Belfast, UK, lists the day鈥檚 specials on offer, starting with 鈥淪oup of the Day鈥� and then 鈥淒eal of the Day鈥�. Lastly, in the photo Nial Pickering sends us, there is the 鈥淐offee of the Month鈥�. This, it turns out, is a 鈥渞egular cappuccino with chocolate and caramel鈥�. It is called a 鈥淢ilky Way Cappuccino鈥� 鈥� and the sign goes on to tell us, rather mystifyingly, that it is 鈥渘amed after the Higgs Boson鈥�.
SEVERAL readers wrote to us about a back in August about artificial vocal cords. They were struck by a sentence describing the work of scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology which states: 鈥淭hey have tested a gel, called polyethylene glycol 30, which can flutter around 200 times per second 鈥� about the same speed as a woman during a conversation.鈥�
Carol Ince鈥檚 comment was typical: 鈥淚 hadn鈥檛 noticed myself fluttering while talking to people,鈥� she says, perturbed. 鈥淣o one鈥檚 mentioned it to me.鈥�
THE banquet contained in the sachet of vinegar that Roy Kettle bought made the meal he was about to pour it on seem superfluous.
The label informed him that the contents 鈥淢ay contain: Nuts, Peanuts, Sesame Seeds, Mustrad (sic), Celery, Wheat, Eggs, Fish, Soyabeans, Milk, Sulphites and Cereals containing Gluten鈥�. Who would want fish and chips on top of all that?
UP FOR sale at a recent auction in Melbourne, Australia, was a telescope. Neil Speirs sends us a picture of it with a descriptive label attached saying: 鈥淭ASCO 762mm astrological telescope鈥︹��
We wonder if there is a market for such telescopes, and what this one sold for at the auction.
FINALLY, Richard Wentk was slightly alarmed to discover that if you search the website of Sainsbury鈥檚 supermarket for 鈥減otatoes鈥� you get 593 results 鈥� and a note that says 鈥淲e also have results for pirates鈥�.