Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Ship of fools
SUPERYACHTS and their owners can be friends of the earth. Oh, yes. 鈥淏uild a yacht. Protect the forests,鈥� says Philippe Mondielli, scientific director of the Prince Albert II of Monaco Foundation.
He was writing in a leaflet from the foundation鈥檚 Wood Forever Pact, distributed at an for environmental scientists hosted by the foundation last month, which highlights ways in which the owners of superyachts can be 鈥渆thical鈥� and 鈥渞esponsible鈥�.
Advertisement
鈥淩are tree species adorn yachts,鈥� the leaflet says. Teak 鈥渉as a justified reputation as the perfect wood for decks鈥�, the foundation . But owners of superyachts who care about deforestation now 鈥渉ave the opportunity to make a real difference鈥�. They can 鈥渙ffset鈥� the damage their yacht鈥檚 building has done by sending a one-off donation to the Pact: 鈧�10 for each tonne of water their yacht displaces. For one of the middle-of-the-range 100-tonne vessels lining the harbour in the tiny Mediterranean principality that is Monaco, that鈥檚 鈧�1000.
For their donation, these caring sailors would get 鈥渋nvitations to exclusive events, and the opportunity to network with like-minded owners鈥�. Perhaps they might even get a meeting with the environmentally-minded prince.
Then again, if they really want to go green they might decide to give up their superyachts: quite apart from the tropical hardwoods used in their construction, the most super of yachts can burn up at top speed. If not, the foundation had better get busy. Using the ecological measures of the , it would need to plant a hectare of forest for every 25 minutes of such superyacht .
The Domino鈥檚 Pizza leaflet that dropped through Charlie Wartnaby鈥檚 letter box defies logic by promising 鈥淪avings of up to and over 拢350鈥�
Booze bazooka
WHAT on earth could an 鈥溾�� be?
Richard Lucas sends us a scan of an ad he saw in the CPC catalogue promoting the 鈥淪hootndrink鈥� gun, describing it as a 鈥渉igh speed spirit delivery system鈥� to 鈥渢ake drinking games to another level鈥�.
The gun comes with a cartridge 鈥� you 鈥渇ill the cartridge with the spirit of your choice鈥�, which is then 鈥渟hot out at high speed into the drinker鈥檚 mouth鈥�. It is, says the ad, 鈥渋deal for stag and hen nights鈥�.
Feedback was greatly taken by the whistle-in-the-wind statement concluding the promotion: 鈥淣B. Please enjoy Alcohol Shot Gun by drinking responsibly.鈥�
Well, happiness to their sheets!
WHY would anyone buy a rubber bed sheet that plugs into the mains electric supply? According to to which Sophie Barnes alerts us, they would do so in order to 鈥渆xperience reported benefits of quality sleep, vitality, reduced pain鈥�. Feedback鈥檚 inner pedant 鈥� never far from the surface 鈥� understands what is being claimed here, and the advertiser鈥檚 need for legal wriggle-room. But their wording still makes us imagine the user being annoyingly woken up in order to 鈥渆xperience鈥� reports by others of such benefits.
The benefits arise, apparently, when you 鈥渏ust lie on the sheet with bare legs and let the Earths [sic] natural rhythms and pool of electrons [sic闭.鈥�
Ah, yes: who wouldn鈥檛 want to be connected to Earth鈥檚 pool of electrons? Possibly someone who appreciates the late physicist Richard Feynman鈥檚 proposal that there is , which pops up in different places whenever it is observed.
Such a person might, however, be unwilling to spend 拢144.95 on a bed sheet, when also offers for 拢1.48.
Strange serpents
THE advert for the Sentinel Q Electronic Snake Repeller that Anna Butcher spotted in Australia鈥檚 Farmer Direct aroused her interest, partly because the illustration and description didn鈥檛 make it at all clear how the repeller worked 鈥� or indeed whether it worked. But it was also because it included : 鈥�100 per cent safe to use around children and animals鈥�.
鈥淭his means,鈥� says Anna, 鈥渢hat the snakes, being animals, won鈥檛 be harmed by the Snake Repeller 鈥� but I am concerned for my own safety, being an adult.鈥�
Hedgehogs lie tumbling
THE photo of a charming little hedgehog sniffing a bowl of food in Rachel Cave鈥檚 recent CJ Wildlife catalogue carries a caption stating that the bowl contains 鈥溾��.
鈥淭his easily digestible food is akin to their natural diet, so our prickly friends are sure to enjoy this meaty feast,鈥� the brochure explains. It continues with the product鈥檚 composition, starting with 鈥渕eat and animal derivatives from organic chicken and turkey鈥�.
Rachel says she is now afraid to go into the garden at night for fear of encountering hedgehogs that snack on chickens and turkeys 鈥� considering how large they would have to be.
A novel review process
FINALLY, the International Journal of Latest Research in Science and Technology told Andrew Kirk in an email soliciting papers that it is an 鈥渁cademic Online Open 鈥楻ight to Use鈥� Pear Reviewed International Journal鈥�.
Andrew wonders how the pear review process is conducted 鈥� and whether it makes the journal more likely to accept fruitloopery.