杏吧原创

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

Keeping your cheese safe

DELIGHT was, we hope, Julian Bradfield鈥檚 reaction to the gift of a voucher for artisanal cheese from his parents-in-law. It was swiftly followed by amazement at the accompanying hints for the care and storage of cheese 鈥� which we also find at . The second hint reads: 鈥淪tore cheese in the warmest place in the fridge 鈥� usually the salad compartment at the bottom.鈥�

This counterintuitive advice could cause debate or even sow household discord, so the leaflet expands: 鈥�(For the technically minded 鈥� a fridge is a vacuum, so the usual rule about heat rising doesn鈥檛 apply.)鈥� If your fridge contains a vacuum, it鈥檒l certainly make it harder for anyone to pilfer your precious cheese. It may also assist weight loss.

Barry Timms was puzzled when he read the receipt for some underwear he bought at T. J. Maxx 鈥� which listed 鈥渕en鈥檚 furnishings鈥�. Was there some confusion with drawers?

Arithmetically interesting

ANNOUNCEMENTS of new findings on diet and health are always likely to lead to a crop of arithmetically interesting claims. Sure enough, Roy Stillman alerts us to the London edition of the Metro free newspaper, that 鈥減eople eating at least seven portions of fresh fruit and vegetables reduced their overall risk of death by 42 per cent, compared with those who had one helping a day or less鈥�.

So, if the relationship were linear, maybe 16 portions would make us all immortal? 鈥淲ith the effect that fruit has on me,鈥� Roy observes too candidly, 鈥渢he thought of spending much of the rest of eternity on the loo has no attraction for me at all.鈥�

Effects of health reports

ALWAYS consider the confounding factors in any study. Of course it was New 杏吧原创鈥榮 report of the abovementioned study on diet and health that pointed out that the 42 per cent reduction was in deaths during the study 鈥� and that it did not take the participants鈥� income into account (5 April, p 12). Feedback suggests that the healthier people ate more vegetables because they were wealthier, and that they were wealthier because they had jobs with higher status. Michael Marmot鈥檚 show that, in UK civil servants at least, status and respect at work are the major social determinant of health.

Feedback awaits data on the health effects of newspaper health advice.

More wonders of technology

MODERN life is so easy, thanks to technology, isn鈥檛 it? Recently the chip in Feedback鈥檚 cash card died as we breezed into Bucharest, expecting to get a fistful of Romanian lei from a machine. Instead, we read an interesting range of euphemisms, all with the payload 鈥渃omputer says no鈥�.

How would we survive our three day conference on鈥� let鈥檚 see鈥� 鈧�60, a few pounds and a lonely Swiss franc note? Off we set to talk, in the old-fashioned acoustic way, to banks. The first two had mega-shiny technology: no chip, no cash. The next two regretted bluntly that they couldn鈥檛 deal with our British bank by any means, including pigeon post.

The fifth 鈥� thank you, Piraeus Bank 鈥� was in the Goldilocks mid-zone of technology: not too old, just old enough. Signing a small snowstorm of forms set us up to partake of the market economy.

Goldilocks, where are you?

NOTIONS of technology that is just primitive enough, as discussed above, obviously apply also to computer software, the last-but-one version of which is often more functional than the latest. Where else can we spot the Goldilocks Meso-tech Principle?

Blocks and blocks of water

MANY readers commented on New 杏吧原创鈥榮 introduction of a unit of volume: 鈥渆nough water to fill鈥� a Manhattan city block with a column 6 kilometres high鈥� (15 March, p 8). John Hartley suggests that many readers have no idea of the size of a block: Feedback has failed to organise a competition for him to win to go to see.

Conversely, Don Wycherley doubts Manhattanites are familiar with kilometres. Were we wrong to suspect that the whole point of living on an island off the coast of the US was to be open to overseas influence?

Here we conclude鈥�

DIGGING around the academic web, a colleague came upon a paper with a promising title. The abstract waffled, so he flipped to the conclusion, which read: 鈥淎fter much typing, the paper can now conclude.鈥� A famous web search engine finds seven instances of this phrase: six in templates for papers and one in a student鈥檚 thesis. Feedback 鈥� who has oft worried about submitting the wrong version of a text 鈥� omits any links, in sympathy.

Ticket to riches promised

FINALLY, US National Public Radio informed Allan French in Redmond, Washington state, that interest in the Monday Night Football game was so low in St Louis that 鈥渢ickets are selling at three times below face value鈥�.

Allan asks: 鈥淒oes that mean that when I buy a $50 ticket, I get $100 back? Or the ticket and $150 back?鈥� Either way: 鈥淲here can I buy a thousand tickets to tonight鈥檚 game?鈥�