Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Snow dogs
A HUGE winter storm made landfall in the eastern US last week, bringing massive drifts of snow and a flurry of unusual units to measure the deluge. Many of you wrote in to comment on strange advice from the BBC to 鈥溾��.
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An displays record snowfall depths for a variety of US states, illustrated according to whether this is enough to conceal a small, medium-sized or large dog.
Ian Beaver writes, 鈥淲asn鈥檛 it veteran BBC weatherman Ian McCaskill who told us during an evening forecast that the day鈥檚 heavy rain had been 鈥榓 worrying time for small dogs鈥�?鈥�.
鈥淎 colleague of Bernard Costello placed an order with a well-known chemical supplier, and was promised delivery within 鈥溌�3 days鈥�. By tachyon, presumably.鈥�
Canine units
IN FACT, canine units crop up with surprising frequency in meteorology. Romans have their 鈥渄og days鈥� of wilting summer heat and, on the opposite side of the world, a cold snap in Australia might be called a 鈥渢hree-dog night鈥�. Here in the UK, they endure as units of precipitation 鈥� as in, 鈥渋t鈥檚 raining cats and dogs鈥�.
At the time of writing, the BBC had, inexplicably, added a panda to its chart. Advice to anyone caught in a blizzard: if you look outside and can鈥檛 see a panda, it鈥檚 safe to assume there are at least 40 inches of snow on the ground.
Foiled again
MORE questions emerge on Shield, the company that knits foil-coated prophylactics to protect your brain from electromagnetic signals. John Morton notes that the woollen hat claims to reflect signals from 鈥渃ell phones, wi-fi routers, microwaves鈥�, and yet also claims to be radar-invisible.
鈥淚f it can reflect microwaves and be radar-invisible, it must be some sort of Schr枚dinger鈥檚 hat, in that it can simultaneously reflect all microwaves while not reflecting them,鈥� writes John. Perhaps the military should start cloaking their aircraft in cardigans made of this tinselled yarn?
Plumbing the universe
MEANWHILE, Dave Harton directs our attention to another trestle table set up in the Kickstarter market of ideas: Obshi, 鈥淭he World鈥檚 First Patented Multiverse Drain System鈥�.
It鈥檚 easy to be fooled by its simplicity 鈥� a spout that opens with a quarter-turn of the fixture, allowing the contents to drain away. But the contents of what, exactly? And where are they draining to? 鈥淪urely it鈥檚 got something to do with wormholes,鈥� suggests Dave. The Kickstarter page hints that Obshi is 鈥渄esigned for use with many applications鈥�. Indeed.
Senior position
EAGLE-EYED Luke Sully spots that the consumer and community spokesman for Age UK, a charity dedicated to improving the lives of the elderly, is none other than Joe Oldman.
Puffed up
BURIED under a pile of boastful factlets from internet megamart Amazon, Feedback wondered what units should be used to measure such self-congratulatory press releases.
鈥淵awns, obviously!鈥� cries Barrie Watson, while Jon Hinwood proposes that the units for self-congratulatory bilge ought to be 鈥渙ne pouter pigeon for a typical puff piece, but one peacock for strutting around and admiring one鈥檚 own tail feathers鈥�.
Peter Bleackley says that the appropriate unit is the Montgolfier, 鈥渨hich measures how full of hot air something is鈥濃�� named for the pioneering brothers of balloon flight. Feedback considers this just the thing to deflate swollen egos.
Dilute dose
WOULD-BE poisoner and ginger supremacist Mark Colborne has been detained indefinitely under the Mental Health Act for plotting to kill Prince Charles so that his red-headed son Harry could ascend to the throne.
Following the story on , Charlie Wartnaby notices that the image used to illustrate the dangerous chemical substances seized by police from the man鈥檚 home instead 鈥渟hows a bottle of nice, pure distilled water鈥�. Feedback suggests that although this may seem innocuous, the royal patron of homeopathy would no doubt recognise an essential solvent for amplifying the potency of poisons.
Acts of God
FEEDBACK watched with dismay as the mind-bendingly foolish psychoactive substances bill 鈥� which would make the smell of flowers illegal 鈥� was nodded through Parliament and now looks set to become law.
A howl of anguish was by MP Paul Flynn in an early day motion, quoting New 杏吧原创 to lambast the bill as 鈥渙ne of the stupidest, most dangerous and unscientific pieces of drugs legislation ever conceived鈥� (30 January, p 26).
In Westminster, such motions are known as 鈥減rayer鈥�; Feedback suspects this keenly reflects both the authority needed to challenge such folly and the likelihood that such an intervention will happen.
Pass the mind bleach
IN THE spirit of questionable generosity, Shane Dwyer contributes to our list of things we鈥檇 be happier not knowing. He shares something he was 鈥渢old years ago and [has] been trying to unlearn ever since鈥� 鈥� that cockroaches like two things, moisture and darkness.
鈥淲hat is the last thing you do every night before bed?鈥� he asks. 鈥淵ou moisten your toothbrush, you hang it up and then you turn off the bathroom light.鈥� Thanks Shane. We鈥檒l be sleeping with the bathroom light on in future.