杏吧原创

Human 2.0

WE CAN safely report that the apocalypse is cancelled: contrary to fringe predictions (26 August), famously non-existent planet Nibiru didn鈥檛 appear during the Great American Eclipse, and Earth was rocked by nothing more than a deep sense of cosmic awe. If anyone is interested in purchasing 500 cases of surplus military rations, please write to Feedback with your best offer.

Still, we can鈥檛 help but be rattled by this close encounter with an imaginary Armageddon. Which leads us to an email from Daniel Hackett, who has been thinking about making humans more robust.

鈥淥ur gene pool is much smaller than our population would suggest, giving poor resilience when an epidemic strikes. We might need to intervene genetically to create diversity,鈥� he says. Daniel had a very creative interpretation of diversity in mind, such as gradually reducing the stature of humans so that we consume less resources, reducing our burden on the planet.

He also suggests adding genes for chloroplasts in human skin, so that our verdant children could harness the energy of the sun and skip meals on occasion. Feedback has performed the necessary calculations and, sadly, our measly surface area doesn鈥檛 provide much in the way of a solar panel, even if we add genes to give our little green children a more liberal attitude towards nudity.

But this did get us thinking: how could humans be genetically engineered, conceivably, to weather all storms in the future? What selective improvements could protect our species from climate change, disease epidemics, cosmic volleys and other threats to humankind? Your suggestions please.

鈥淩ichard Keyworth thinks Anglian Water should hire better copy editors. 鈥淢ake the most of your sewerage services鈥� exhorts a mailing, alongside the company slogan, 鈥淟ove every drop鈥濃��

Doggy delights

ALSO entertaining novel forms of nutrition is Ros Hancock, who spies an advert for StreamZ dog collars inserting itself into her Facebook feed.

She is told: 鈥渢he StreamZ material contained within the collar is designed to create day-to-day improvements in canine vitality, by rebalancing compounds and minerals in the body.鈥� Yes, it seems that even dogs aren鈥檛 immune to the vague health claims on offer from mysterious magnetic jewellery (or rather their owners aren鈥檛).

Who knew our pet pooches were so unbalanced in the first place? In an effort to sniff out further answers, Feedback visited the StreamZ website, where we find out the technology powering this innovation is 鈥渁 patented 360掳 layer of StreamZ smart-material containing five separate multi-directional low-frequency polarity fields鈥�. Right then.

It all has the whiff of a shaggy dog story to Ros, but StreamZ contends that 鈥渃ompanies and products like ours would simply not survive if they claimed false results鈥�. Take that, fake news!

Feedback is wondering if there is an opening here for Gwyneth Paltrow鈥檚 crystal-strewn Goop brand to expand into the pet-care market. However we鈥檙e not sure if dogs will be as willing to subscribe to yoni balls as they are to StreamZ collars.

In the meantime, Ros says her dogs 鈥渞eckon their compounds are already well-balanced, and I鈥檓 sure they鈥檇 rather I spent the money on Frozzys, 鈥�.

Tilly tally

BEING inquisitive, 鈥渘ot to mention prurient鈥�, Eugene Doherty goes online to find the epithet given to Tilly Schilling鈥檚 life-saving engine valve (12 August). He discovers the answer to his question, but also 鈥渢hat in 2011, the Wetherspoons chain opened a pub in Farnborough, near the RAF base where she worked, named the Tilly Shilling in her honour.鈥�

Flying high

ALSO alerting us to this fact is Phil Corrigan, who adds that 鈥渨hile we鈥檙e on the subject of pubs named after aeronautical engineers, there is also the Reginald Mitchell in Stoke, named after the inventor of the Spitfire鈥� 鈥� the very same plane Shilling鈥檚 device kept airborne.

Cubic numbers

DESPITE being impressed by our innovative hyperdimensional household ornaments (19 August), John Davies awards us a C- for geometry. 鈥淎 cube in 3D space has eight corners, as any fool knows,鈥� he says. 鈥淪o 鈥榦ctagonal鈥� applies to any real world cube.鈥�

J is for鈥�

ON THE pronunciation of Joule (26 August): Ian Watson says that during the 1980s, his organic chemistry tutor at the University of Cambridge, Peter Sykes, managed to pronounce it 鈥渏arl鈥�.

鈥淚 took it at the time to be a point of minor, cultivated eccentricity, analogous to the brightly coloured socks he wore for lectures,鈥� says Ian. 鈥淚 discussed the matter at least once with a fellow student, but Sykes was far too intimidating a figure for us to ask directly about his choice.鈥�

Top trunks

AND more pronunciation problems abound. 鈥淟iving in France, I soon realised that the word Focus in Ford Focus has to be pronounced pretty much the same as in English,鈥� says Terence Hollingworth. 鈥淎 French pronunciation would be 鈥�faux cul鈥�, the meaning of which derives from a tradition at one time for women to pad out their skirts to appear more voluminous than they actually were.鈥�

Nowadays the idiom is used to describe a hypocrite, he says, though 鈥渢he Spanish meaning of pajero in Mitsubishi Pajero is even ruder.鈥�