Attack of the clones
WHAT鈥橲 the collective term for 40-centimetre-long hammerhead flatworms? Feedback鈥檚 guess is that it鈥檚 a sort of raw adenoidal scream that opens a portal to the black abyss and brings down everlasting night.
Whatever it is, it鈥檚 probably prettier in French. That is just as well, because France has recently seen hordes of hammerhead flatworms, native to Asia, slither out of the depths of its collective unconscious to feast on earthworms, clone themselves en masse, and quote Proust at one another down Montmartre byways.
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English folklore reminds us that the situation is not without historical parallel, though. Back in the day, the Lambton Worm terrorised County Durham until a knight who was clad in spiked armour gave it a fatal tenderising.
The French, having dispatched their aristocracy, must find another solution. No strangers to culinary bravery 鈥� les escargots au beurre come to mind 鈥� perhaps French chefs could be persuaded to add a flatworm tatin to the pages of Larousse Gastronomique.
鈥淎n ad in Leeds, UK, promises buses 鈥渦p to every ten minutes, or better鈥�. Bryn Glover wonders: how are those two alternatives?鈥�
Dawn of the dead
MORE monsters: the residents of Lake Worth, Florida, received an emergency alert on 20 May warning them of 鈥渆xtreme zombie activity鈥�. Local news channel WPBF reported that a power failure around 2 am triggered the automated message, which was sent to thousands of mobile phones in the area.
The message informed the bucolic seafront community of a 鈥減ower outage and zombie alert for residents of Lake Worth and Terminus鈥�, citing a fictional settlement featured in horror series The Walking Dead. 鈥淩estoration time uncertain.鈥�
In a statement, a city spokesperson said the message was the result of someone tampering with the alert system. 鈥淚 want to reiterate that Lake Worth does not have any zombie activity currently and apologize for the system message.鈥�
Monster hunter
IT鈥橲 like an episode of CSI: Miami, but with more midges and less sunshine. Forensic scientists are combing Loch Ness in Scotland for traces of DNA 鈥� which they note could reveal its most famous resident.
Stepping into David Caruso鈥檚 weathered loafers is Neil Gemmell at the University of Otago, New Zealand. His team is performing a year-long trawl of the loch, sampling the water for traces of genetic material. As animals go about their lives, they leave tiny fragments of skin, scales, and other sources of DNA in their surroundings. These can be used to identify the inhabitants of the loch, answering important questions about the spread of invasive species such as Pacific pink salmon.
Of course, without a reference plesiosaur to compare Nessie鈥檚 DNA with, confirming the existence of the mythical monster might prove tricky. But not to worry: 鈥渋f an exact match can鈥檛 be found, we can generally figure out where on the tree of life that sequence fits,鈥� says Gemmell.
The odds of Nessie making a guest appearance are slim, but the expertly baited hook did prove irresistible to that other elusive creature scientists like to seek out: friendly journalists.
A train of thought
THE eminently pragmatic Bernie Harper writes: 鈥淗as anyone ever asked an actual signal operator how they would solve the seemingly intractable 鈥榯rolley problem鈥� in reality?鈥� This ethical dilemma, involving a runaway tram, onrushing points, various people tied to the tracks, and a hapless signalman forced to play god, is a favourite of philosophy textbooks.
If the operator can see the carriage directly, notes Bernie, they could wait for the first axle to pass over the points before diverting the second axle onto the other line. This will derail the carriage, creating lots of warning noise and presumably triggering some sort of investigation. At low speeds, he adds, this is a life-saving strategy.
Never mind those fusty professors of philosophy in their ivory towers: if you want a practical answer, turn to the thinker on the Clapham trolley. We are sure readers can offer similarly simple solutions to other issues vexing top minds today.
Making sand dollars
MEETING in the middle: Richard VandeWetering spies a mysterious headline in Canada鈥檚 Globe and Mail: 鈥淯.S. labour market tightening; mid-Atlantic factory activity picks up鈥�.
Feedback is reminded of the suggestion that trading nodes be built midway between major stock exchanges, such as London and New York, to minimise the time needed to issue orders. What sort of fees would stockbrokers based in Atlantis charge, asks Richard. Answer: we don鈥檛 know, but liquid assets are no doubt preferred.
An open and shut case
VISITING the outpatient department of Bassetlaw hospital in Worksop, UK, Richard Davis notes that the entrance is labelled 鈥渁utomatic door鈥� and does indeed open when approached. But on egress, 鈥渢he same doors are marked 鈥楢utomatic door. Press button to open'鈥�.
Richard says this probably stops the doors opening every time a patient is wheeled past, but how to parse the contradiction? Feedback鈥檚 instinct is to suppose the internal mechanism must be in some way buggy. Otherwise, why would it in be a hospital?
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