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Feedback: Gulls just wanna have fun

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

seagull cartoon

Gulls鈥 night out

A SPATE of public intoxication has hit seaside towns in the UK, but this time it is gulls that are proving unruly.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has received more than a dozen reports of the birds staggering about south-west England. RSPCA inspector Jo Daniel told reporters, 鈥淭he birds absolutely stink of alcohol when we collect them, so now our vans smell like pubs.鈥

It is believed the gulls are scavenging fermented waste from a local brewery. Once in the care of welfare officers, most birds make a full recovery, suffering nothing more than a hangover.

Love bug

IT MUST have seemed like a good idea at the time when a woman in Colorado took in a baby raccoon, believing it had been abandoned by its mother. Friends flocked to her home to meet the adorable new house guest.

However, following a visit to the local animal shelter, the woman was contacted by the Weld county health department, asking if the heart-warming fuzzball had been tested for rabies. It hadn鈥檛, and, of course, the resulting test came back positive. So 21 people ended up being treated for rabies exposure.

鈥溾滻 call him Lord Voldemort鈥 鈥 Professor (Bill) Snape of the Center for Biological Diversity assesses the environmental credentials of new Supreme Court justice Brett Kavanaugh鈥

In a statement to the Greeley Tribune, Mark Wallace of the health department said: 鈥淚t is very important that people not touch or go near wild animals.鈥 .

Dirty deeds

, aviation authorities have given up the search for the phantom flyer responsible for showering residents with faeces (23 June). Transport Canada received 18 such reports. However, it said that no flight paths matched the pattern of precipitation, and the distinctive blue disinfectant used in airline septic tanks was absent in all cases.

Suspicions now fall on flocks of passing birds 鈥 or perhaps one very large one. Environmental scientist Robert Young told The Guardian that DNA tests could shed light on the source of the stinky rain: 鈥淚t鈥檚 just a matter of identifying the perpetrator. I don鈥檛 think this will be one of the great mysteries of the universe.鈥

Thaw flaw

IN A recent issue, Feedback wrote 鈥渢hat with each passing year, the permafrost in Alaska melts earlier and freezes later鈥, says Toto Gronlund (7 July). Some mistake, surely! Toto points out that permafrost is 鈥渁 thick subsurface layer of soil that remains below freezing point throughout the year鈥, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

鈥淚s climate change changing the definition of permafrost as well?,鈥 asks Toto. If so, perhaps 鈥渨e should call it impermafrost鈥.

Tomb and doom

A MYSTERIOUS black sarcophagus was unearthed in Alexandria, Egypt, last week. Our correspondent, M.G. Stanley, sends this report:

鈥淚t is the very model of a granite black sarcophagus, The theories of its origin are varied and preposterous, It鈥檚 from another time, almost ancient as Herodotus, But who is laid to rest inside? They still remain anonymous. Dug up by archaeologists its purpose is mysterious, The penalties for raising it are probably quite serious, We ought to know by now of curses ancient and injurious, And what becomes of cats that grow a little bit too curious. It鈥檚 on its way to London now to meet with our prime minister, Has no-one thought to tell her that this coffin is quite sinister? It鈥檚 drawing consternation from the disaffected populace, But trade with evil spirits surely makes us all more prosperous.鈥

Think smart

鈥淚F WE gave someone a recognisable body that represents supreme intelligence, such as that of Albert Einstein, would they perform better on a cognitive task than people given a normal body?鈥

That was the question pondered by Mel Slater and his colleagues at the University of Barcelona, Spain. To answer it, they strapped 30 young men into a virtual reality simulation, which transformed them either into Einstein or a generic adult body.

In Frontiers in Psychology, they write that those given an opportunity to pilot the great physicist鈥檚 body through cyberspace showed improved self-esteem, heightened problem-solving skills and less biased attitudes towards elderly people.

Feedback is commissioning our own virtual reality environment where we inhabit the body of Bill Gates. It is expensive, but we are confident the experience will boost our earnings potential. We just need to wait until we are inside our virtual Bill Gates to figure out how this will happen.

Just a minute

clock cartoon

, a credo taken to heart by the East Japan Railway Company. The firm will spend two years on network improvements to the bullet train service between Ueno and Omiya that will cut the journey time by a whole minute.

The improvements will further muffle sound and vibrations emanating from the levitating train, allowing it go from a restricted speed of 110 kilometres per hour in that section to 130 km/h without disturbing residents. A spokesperson told Nikkei that even a minute was a 鈥渂ig step鈥 considering the increased number of passengers served.

You can send stories to Feedback by email at feedback@newscientist.com. Please include your home address. This week鈥檚 and past Feedbacks can be seen on our website.

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