Spiritual health
THE work of Anthony William, better known online as the Medical Medium, has returned to Feedback鈥檚 attention this week. It appears that William possesses a miracle cure for all life鈥檚 ills, a feat rendered all the more remarkable when one considers his total lack of medical qualifications.
The cure in question is celery juice, best consumed early on an empty stomach, he says. The likely source of this unusual remedy? A spirit guide with whom William has regular psychic communication on matters medical. The saga reminds us of an excerpt from our favourite Victorian ghost story:
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It was on my second night at Wyldehealth Hall that the visitations commenced. I was roused from deepest sleep by a ghastly apparition, the spectre of a decapitated woman in Tudor dress who shook her gory locks at me and asked: why aren鈥檛 you drinking more celery juice?
With a wild cry, I flung myself into the adjoining bathroom, little heeding the reverberations in the ancestral pipework urging me to keep myself hydrated throughout the day.
鈥溾�滻 have ,鈥� confessed Yoshitaka Sakurada, Japan鈥檚 cybersecurity minister. Well, it鈥檚 one way to ensure you never get hacked鈥�
Having locked the door, I suddenly grew cold, as though plunged into an icy bath of the sort that, the ghost shrieked, provided a good way to reduce unwanted swelling after physical exercise. Some unseen presence was tapping on my shoulder.
I turned around slowly. There I beheld a severed hand, which offered me what I took to be five portions of fruit and vegetables before starting to scrawl upon the mirror glass in its own blood. And oh, what it wrote there fills me with terror even now: try to get 75 minutes of moderate exercise every week.
Screaming, I fled the room, colliding with a pair of floating candlesticks carrying aloft a metric tonne of vitamin B12.
鈥淏egone, foul apparitions,鈥� I cried, attempting to light a pipe to keep my nerves together, only to have it seized from my lips by an enormous purple tentacle.
鈥淏y all that is holy,鈥� I declared, 鈥渨hat do you shades of darkness want from me?鈥� 鈥淥nly this,鈥� the dread voices replied as one, 鈥渉alf of your profits for peddling that celery stuff.鈥�
Defrocked
HOLD on to your patriarchs, folks, there is a liberal wind blowing through the corridors of the Church of England.
In a recent speech, the Archbishop of Canterbury said it was nonsensical to speak about God as a man. Forget that he never shows up, gets all the credit, and expects everyone to do exactly what he says (that鈥檚 God, of course, rather than the Archbishop).
Instead, he said, we should consider the Almighty to be above such petty notions of gender, a bit like David Bowie or the moon. The problem, quoth the most reverend Justin Welby, lies in the intrinsic limitations of language.
How are mere mortal words supposed to contain the ineffable oneness? {shrug emoji}
Perfect match
, Ali Lister reports that her mother lost the password to her account with genomics firm 23 and Me. 鈥淚nstead of getting a new one, she ordered another spit kit, gave another sample, and had another DNA test,鈥� writes Ali. 鈥淭oday, she rings me: baffled, but excited and happy, that they鈥檝e found a twin she didn鈥檛 know about!鈥�
Sinking feeling
PREVIOUSLY Feedback discussed the ill portent of the Titanic II cruise liner 鈥� a replica of the original 鈥� having one Clive Mensink as its project director (10 November). But that is just, as they say, the tip of the iceberg.
Kevin Lee reports that Mensink previously headed his uncle鈥檚 firm, , before it collapsed, sparking legal proceedings. His uncle then placed him at the helm of the project to build a second Titanic.
Well, who better than someone experienced in an enterprise built on tonnes of metal that went on to sink?
In a flap
FIREFIGHTERS in Daventry, UK, responded to reports of a smoke alarm sounding at a residential property. Arriving at the scene, however, the homeowner assured them that there was no fire.
After checking the smoke detectors, the source of the siren was traced to the man鈥檚 pet parrot, Jazz, which had learned to perfectly imitate the shrill alert. It鈥檚 one way to save on batteries, we suppose.
Power tool
IN TETBURY, Gloucestershire, Cedric Lynch has taken possession of a powerful new leaf blower. According to the rating plate, the 1.0 horsepower motor runs on 240 volts at 2.8 amps, meaning it seems to deliver more power (746 watts) than it draws from the electrical supply (672 watts).
Cedric says he could point it at a wind turbine for infinite clean energy, but those leaves aren鈥檛 going to tidy themselves.
Unfriended
A COURT in the US has ruled that Facebook friends don鈥檛 count as real friends. convened to decide whether a judge and attorney who were friends on Facebook could be trusted to work on the same trial without bias.
that 鈥渁 鈥榝riend鈥� on a social networking website is not necessarily a friend in the traditional sense of the word鈥� attached to another person by feelings of affection or personal regard鈥�. Soon, they鈥檒l be telling us that people didn鈥檛 really 鈥渓ike鈥� our last selfie after all.
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