Desperate measures
Who keeps the metric system down? If he has his way, James Panero, executive editor of US conservative literary magazine The New Criterion. He recently joined regular Fox News host Tucker Carlson in a segment that asked 鈥�?鈥�.
鈥淎lmost every nation on Earth has fallen under the yoke of tyranny鈥� of this 鈥渨eird, utopian, inelegant, creepy system鈥�, Carlson informed viewers. This had come at an untold price to human progress, said Panero. 鈥淚t was customary measures that measured out the Industrial Revolution and customary measures that took us to the moon.鈥�
While it is true that we inched our way to the moon, Feedback delicately raises the case of NASA鈥檚 338 kilogram (745-lb) Mars Climate Orbiter, which, in 1999, failed to orbit Mars because something hadn鈥檛 been converted to metric units.
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But what could anybody have against the metric system? That it has been forced upon us by elites and new world orders, that鈥檚 what. Plus, the metric system had its roots in 鈥� sacre bleu! 鈥� the French Revolution. And there鈥檚 nothing less American than overthrowing royal patronage and declaring yourselves a democratic republic.
Ah yes, perfidious France 鈥� undoubtedly the reason why some voices in the UK are also calling for an , easy-to-calculate measurements rooted in a base-10 counting system as the country exits the European Union. No more of this 61 centimetres nonsense 鈥� the country will once again be back on its own two feet.
Batten down the hatches
Which side of a submarine is the wettest? Ideally, the outside. Red-faced navy sources in India have reported that a 2017 incident in which the nation鈥檚 拢2.4 billion nuclear missile-laden submarine INS Arihant nearly sank was caused by 鈥渉uman error鈥�: namely, a hatch left open that allowed seawater to flood the propulsion department.
Since then, engineers have been stripping out the salt-damaged pipework, keen to avoid sailing with anything that might agitate the sub鈥檚 83-megawatt nuclear reactor. For years, the presence of the Arihant in India鈥檚 fleet wasn鈥檛 officially acknowledged. Perhaps it is time to adopt that strategy again, since you can鈥檛 really miss what you never had in the first place.
Still, it prompts Feedback to ponder: is the Arihant the costliest piece of equipment to be impeded by the actions of a forgetful user? Examples on a postcard to the usual address.
Harbouring doubts
Ascending to the poop deck, the harbour in Baltimore, Maryland, can now boast faecal levels within safe swimming standards 鈥�80 per cent to 100 per cent of the time鈥�, the . Officials hailed this up to one in five chance of sloshing about in a soup of sewage as a big improvement to the city鈥檚 waterfront.
Heavy rains in recent years have caused sewers to overflow into the harbour, polluting the water. Yet despite record rainfall in 2018, the levels of faecal bacteria remained low. Researchers speculate that the sheer volume of rainwater had (mostly) flushed the harbour clean. Chalk this up as another benefit of climate change!
Goop de gr芒ce
As well as millions of dollars, Gwyneth Paltrow鈥檚 wellness empire Goop has earned her a fair number of puzzled looks, thanks to a catalogue of esoteric products like psychic vampire repellent and (alas, now sadly out of stock) sex dust. Yet until now, the baleful eye of Goop鈥檚 luxury wellness machine has been fixed firmly on women.
No longer! The brand extension Goop Men, , offers men their own space to have feelings of creeping inadequacy while reading about lives more fabulous than their own, as well as to be sold hugely expensive remedies for their ills.
鈥淕oop doesn鈥檛 claim to have all the answers, but we鈥檙e pretty committed to looking for them,鈥� Paltrow wrote on Instagram while introducing the concept, before adding cryptically, 鈥淏esides, men can make cookies with avocados instead of butter, too. Let鈥檚 not put people in boxes.鈥�
Feedback agrees. But for a man experiencing classic performance anxieties 鈥� whether his car is powerful enough or his stereo sonic enough 鈥� will a cashmere aromatherapy eye pillow cut it? Goop is clearly banking on it.
Taking the biscuit
Also against putting people in boxes is SuperPharmacy in Australia: indeed, it has another secret weapon with which men can impress in the kitchen. Reader Paul Wood of Brisbane sends us a link to their website selling 100-millilitre bottles of Brut Original After Shave Lotion. This, we are told, 鈥渋nvigorates and stimulates with a distinct, fresh and masculine fragrance, which lasts all day鈥�.
鈥�,鈥� the website continues. 鈥淧erfect for homemade muffins, cakes, pudding, ice-cream or brownies. You can also sprinkle 1 teaspoon (5 grams) in your smoothie, tea, latte or yoghurt for a hit of antioxidants.鈥�
Feedback isn鈥檛 sure that this is a good idea, and, on balance, preferred the crisis in masculinity before it started getting culinary. On the upside, given in avocado production, this may at least be a more sustainable way to pep up your cooking. At your own risk.
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