Where were we?
Some weeks ago (16 November), Feedback introduced readers to an online community of savvy travellers content to get their thrills by using the . Some of you have been motivated to join them, but not all have been satisfied.
Tim Rowe writes: 鈥淚 was not surprised that 鈥榰se.homeopathic.remedies鈥� got me nowhere at all. I am more concerned that 鈥榬ead.new.scientist鈥� and 鈥榮ubscribe.new.scientist鈥� didn鈥檛 get me anywhere either. I鈥檓 beginning to wonder how reliable a guide that website is.鈥�
Stuart Ardern has managed to glean some useful information from the site, however: he points out that 鈥渄ark.matter.location鈥� is in the Russian wilderness some way north-east of Moscow. We have sent our best reporter to look into it.
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Stick figures
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand, said Greek mathematician and noted bath-taker Archimedes, and I can move the world. Sure, Archie, sure, but I bet you can鈥檛 take my photograph at the same time.
Now, if only he had possessed what is being called 鈥渢he world鈥檚 longest selfie stick鈥�. , a UK-based company, is offering customers the ability to contact a satellite orbiting Earth and have it take a photograph of the planet鈥檚 surface from space. It鈥檚 an incredibly valuable service if you like your pictures taken from a great distance, to not really have much of you in them and to be occasionally obscured by clouds.
Of course, as the keenest-eyed among you will already have noticed, the selfie stick in question is entirely imaginary. Or, at least, we think so 鈥� the publicity material makes no mention of a 36,000-kilometre-long rod whooshing across Earth鈥檚 surface as its camera end passes overhead.
Which raises the vexed question of what exactly constitutes a selfie. Surely the human subject of the photograph is required at some stage to physically interact with the camera?
Nevertheless, Feedback is excited enough about this new opportunity for self- (or spelf-?) promotion to overlook such inaccuracies. On the plus side, 36,000 kilometres should be far enough away to obviate the nose-expanding distortion effect associated with traditional selfies.
Past caring
Not content with saving the present, Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg is now on a mission to save the past.
That is the only possible conclusion to draw from an that shows a young woman working at a gold mine in Canada who bears an uncanny resemblance to Greta. There are no recognised SI units for facial similarity, unfortunately, but Feedback would unscientifically declare the two a nearly 100 per cent match.
The inevitable explanation is that the photograph, currently in the possession of the University of Washington in Seattle, represents the first known evidence of time travel. It stands to reason: after all, if you had access to a time machine, wouldn鈥檛 you take advantage of your modern-day knowledge by digging for gold? It would also be a fabulously ethical way of supporting your current-day climate activism, only contributing to climate emissions that already exist.
The only suspicious element in this whole business seems to be that Greta is in colour while this 19th-century gold miner appears to be almost entirely monochrome. Stay tuned as we investigate further.
Invisible carbon
An article in The Australian caught Feedback鈥檚 eye this week 鈥� or, to be more precise, a pull quote in an that can ultimately be traced back to an in The Australian.
鈥淭here are no carbon emissions,鈥� it read. 鈥淚f there were, we could not see because most carbon is black鈥�, it 鈥� for some reason 鈥� went on.
We are grateful to the author of those words for splitting a hair so fine that Feedback had assumed its circumference was bound by a single atom.
Carbon emissions aren鈥檛, of course, composed exclusively of carbon. In a similar vein, we feel obligated to point out that humans cannot, in fact, shed crocodile tears, no statements can ever be made by the White House as it is a building with no record of sentience, and word salad isn鈥檛 strictly a vegetable dish made from phonemes, but rather a meaningless garble invoked in the service of a ridiculous point. Possibly 鈥� but possibly not 鈥� concerning climate change.
Words words words
Just the other week, it seems, Feedback was champing (note: not literal champing) at the bit (added note: no actual bit involved) at the news that Collins Dictionary had crowned the two-word phrase 鈥渃limate strike鈥� as its 2019 word of the year. Now we have to relive that moment all over again thanks to the Oxford Dictionaries鈥� decision to bestow its on the term 鈥渃limate emergency鈥�.
What鈥檚 going on, dictionaries of the world? Is there a word shortage we鈥檙e not aware of? Or is it simply that you are using your elevated platforms to draw attention to a vital issue, the salient points of which are unfortunately not easily condensable into one-word slogans? Well, answer us: is it? Oh. It is? Right then. That seems fine to us. Carry on.