RUBY WAX is on a serious mission to improve people鈥檚 mental health. The American-British TV star, comedian, author and mental health advocate found fame in the 1980s TV sitcom Girls on Top and went on to deploy her comic persona of a brash, overconfident American in multiple comedy interview shows. Yet it is her experience with depression and stress that has shaped much of her more recent career. Her encounter with major depression 15 years ago led her to earn a master鈥檚 degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy at the University of Oxford, an experience she incorporated into a stage show. For this, as well as her writing about depression and mindfulness, she was awarded an OBE, one of the highest civilian honours in the UK.
Wax has also set up community groups where, before lockdown, people could meet up and chat; these have now moved online. In her fifth and latest book, , Wax goes on a whirlwind world tour to meet innovators in schools, businesses and communities whose work she believes shows things are looking up.
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Clare Wilson: Now seems an odd time for a book about optimism. Why did you write it?
Ruby Wax: We were besieged by bad news, even before covid. We were going on a drip feed, from one disaster to another, and we were getting addicted to it 鈥� at least, I was. I couldn鈥檛 wait for more bad news, and you could gossip about it. But where you pay your attention defines your reality. Your brain is shaped by what you look at. So I said, let鈥檚 move the lens, let鈥檚 break the habit.
How did you do that?
I went on a global hunt, to try to see the innovators, the people that are going to change the world. I also wanted to change my life 鈥� to see where I could live, what I could do, because I like reinvention. I did find some places I would like to live some of the time and people who I鈥檇 like to be around.
The old model is we live in these dystopian islands of concrete. You live on the 87th floor, and if something terrible happens, you don鈥檛 know your neighbours. It鈥檚 built to isolate. But there are these places called intentional communities, where people share resources and responsibilities, like in Scotland. I鈥檝e just been there. It鈥檚 a community, there are little roads between the houses. People smile when they see you, even though they don鈥檛 know you. There鈥檚 a community room where you can eat with other people, although it鈥檚 not open now because of covid. I like the idea that everybody鈥檚 got your back 鈥� this is how humans were built, to have each other鈥檚 backs.
But we can鈥檛 all live in villages鈥�
Well look at Copenhagen. They鈥檝e got the most developed cycle network in Europe and the streets are designed to encourage people to spend more time in public spaces. These people seem a little happier. There are real fat cycle lanes, I cycled everywhere and I felt really safe. The shops weren鈥檛 all franchises: you can get original, olden-days shops that there鈥檚 only one of. Not where it鈥檚 just one shop after another that you鈥檝e seen a thousand times. It鈥檚 a really interesting hipster neighbourhood, it has just been reinvented.
All we hear about the environment is doom and gloom, but there are these little islands of optimism. The most impressive business I went to visit is a US store called Patagonia, which makes sustainable clothing. I have a jacket from them made out of plastic bottles. When you buy something from them, they say 鈥渄on鈥檛 ever buy this from us again鈥� because if it tears or wears out, you send it back. You can return an item within a hundred years of buying it. Wow! They share their profits with their employees and they give money away to environmental groups. They do really good work in their local community, they hand out food, they put money back into it. And they have the happiest employees I鈥檝e ever seen.
That sounds great, but can individual firms change the world?
The book is about the green shoots. If we pay attention to them, they might grow into a brighter future.
There are schools where they鈥檙e teaching kids in a whole new way, for instance. At a primary academy chain in the UK called Reach 2, it鈥檚 about working as a team, teaching empathy. I went to one of these schools and saw the children learn techniques to self-regulate when their stress gets too extreme. When people are in high alarm, they can鈥檛 focus on anything. They have a zen den 鈥� the children go in when they feel out of control. The school gives them tools to lower their stress.
You have studied and written about mindfulness meditation 鈥� what made you want to try it?
I had a major depression about 15 years ago. Shrinks are great, but I got sick of repeating my stories constantly. So I looked it up, I researched scientific papers. Mindfulness and cognitive therapy had the most empirical evidence 鈥� for depression or people who were just generally frazzled. I ended up doing a . My book, A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled, was based on the work of my professor, , who was one of the co-founders of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. He gave me his blessing, but I did it my way. I gave mindfulness exercises for while you鈥檙e taking care of your kids, while you鈥檙e going to the office, how to deal with somebody shouting at you. Mine was more practical.
How does mindfulness meditation work?
It鈥檚 a way of relating to your thoughts in a different way. You befriend them, you understand them. I have habits of thinking, theme songs that come up like old recordings. Suddenly, I鈥檒l think: 鈥淪he thinks I鈥檓 an idiot.鈥� It鈥檚 very much like how doing sit-ups strengthens your stomach muscles and you get a six-pack. There are areas in your brain that can get buffer, just like an athlete. With mindfulness, it gives muscle to the area in your brain that allows you to pay attention. Now, when I do have a spark of anger, it doesn鈥檛 stay with me. I won鈥檛 keep regurgitating it because I鈥檓 so addicted to my rage, which I used to be. You know, when something happens and you call your friends and go: 鈥淕uess what he did?鈥� [Breaking that habit] doesn鈥檛 happen overnight, though, you鈥檝e got to work at this thing.
Do you still practise mindfulness?
Yes, every day for about 45 minutes. And then before a show, when I get the heart-pounding and I鈥檓 nervous, to get myself level. And if I start to lose my lines during the show, because my muscle is pretty exercised I鈥檓 able to think clearer and my lines come back.
鈥淎ll we hear about the environment is doom and gloom, but there are little islands of optimism鈥�
Wow. Can it really work fast enough to be used on stage?
Oh yes. When you鈥檙e scared, your memory goes down and you get even more nervous. I can tell when I鈥檓 starting to lose it. I look at the audience and I can feel their fear because they hate it. I鈥檒l stand and I鈥檒l focus with my feet on the ground. You have to send the focus to something physical because that means your mind isn鈥檛 carrying on with endless ruminations: 鈥淥h, god, I fucked up, I鈥檓 never going to get my lines.鈥� You need to go to a physical sensation 鈥� it could be your breath, it could be your feet on the ground or listening to sound. If you didn鈥檛 practise this, you wouldn鈥檛 be able to do it.
What do you think about recent research that found mindfulness can make a small proportion of people worse?
It could be detrimental for some people. It鈥檚 just my opinion, but if you鈥檙e having a breakdown I don鈥檛 think you should go there. If you鈥檙e in trouble, if you鈥檙e totally traumatised 鈥� you don鈥檛 want to look into your mind if something is seriously wrong. I think you have to sit it out, get medication, see somebody.
Tell me about your community work promoting mental health.
I run a community called , where we meet each night. I wanted to create a meeting place where small groups of people could speak honestly without the fear of appearing weak. Originally, the meetings were cafes in actual places, like Marks & Spencer cafes. We would have from 12 to 15 people and a facilitator. Now we do it through Zoom and it doesn鈥檛 matter where you are. You could be in Los Angeles or you could be in Dubai. I run a meeting that has a real structure to it and there are rules, so it isn鈥檛 a free-for-all, and it lasts an hour. Other hosts are trained too, so meetings go on any time in the day. People can go on the Frazzled Cafe website and say 鈥淚 want a meeting at 3 o鈥檆lock鈥�, and there鈥檚 somebody who can host it. But I do 5.30 in the evening.
So it is like group therapy?
No, we don鈥檛 do therapy. It鈥檚 from the guts. I open and close with mindfulness, just to settle everybody. And then somebody starts. They might say 鈥� and I always say 鈥� 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the weather condition in your mind?鈥� It鈥檚 almost like you鈥檙e passing the talking stick.
Why do you think it helps people?
We steady each other because we feel empathy and that鈥檚 as good as meditation or yoga. I do it every day. I cannot change the world. It鈥檚 not for people who are seriously mentally ill. We don鈥檛 deal with that, we give you places to go. This is really just a chat room. There are people of different ethnicities, different ages. It鈥檚 a melting pot of people being honest with each other. There are so many complaints about technology destroying us, but who knew that Zoom would form communities like it has?
What else makes you optimistic right now?
I think millennials have the potential to be the salvation for us all. They are concerned because my generation has ripped them off. They have Greta Thunberg and it鈥檚 cool to be in Extinction Rebellion. They don鈥檛 take bullshit. It鈥檚 an interesting phenomenon, that kids are really taking the reins. They鈥檙e faced with climate change like my generation was faced with Vietnam. You fight for what鈥檚 in front of your eyes.
听
