Houses of healing
In These Uncertain TimesTM, it comes as no surprise to learn that exorcism has gone online. This is just one of the many things we learn from an about 鈥渉ousehealers鈥�, sent in by Michael Zehse.
The job of these brave souls, available now for remote consultation, is to rid our living spaces of 鈥渆motional junk鈥�. One has 鈥渃leared the energy of thousands of homes and published two books on the subject鈥�. Physical junk for emotional junk, then.
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Apparently, there are more than 40 causes of bad energy within the home. Many of these could be dealt with by opening a window, we consider, but others include 鈥渢rapped souls (who 鈥� be warned 鈥� do not have to have lived in your property) and dark energies left behind by previous owners鈥�.
We interrupt this broadcast to ask that, should any househealer find that dark energy, could they please return it to the cosmologists, who have been looking for it for some time.
Looking around our own stationery cupboard digs, we can鈥檛 exclude the possibility of dark energies lurking within our extensive piling system. We鈥檙e not sure we need them exorcised, though, which possibly puts us in the camp of the energy insensitive. 鈥淎 third of people are so completely bulletproof that nothing bothers them,鈥� the article informs. 鈥淎nd some are so sensitive, they walk in and get filthy headaches straight away.鈥�
Ah yes, we know that type 鈥� and the filthy looks they give us.
Creative talent
We鈥檙e unsure how entertained we should be by the news that South Africa . First they came for our chess games, then for our call centres and now for our sole right to be called geniuses, if only in the jurisdiction of the South African courts 鈥� for now.
This follows previous rebuffs by the Australian, EU, UK and US patent authorities, although two days after the South African decision, an Australian court that AIs couldn鈥檛 be considered inventors under patent law.
Our mood brightens considerably when we consider the nature of the patent filed on behalf of the DABUS (Device for the Autonomous Bootstrapping of Unified Sentience) AI. It is titled 鈥淔ood container and devices and methods for attracting enhanced attention鈥� and, as far as we can work out, amounts to a coffee mug or similar with a fractal wall profile 鈥� for easy interlocking and superior heat transfer 鈥� adorned with a pulsating light source. Glad to see a talent for time-wasting isn鈥檛 entirely human, either.
Ain鈥檛 half hot (again)
More temperature confusion as Jim Ainsworth learns from a recent edition of The Daily Telegraph that 鈥淯K land temperature in the past decade has been 1.1C (34F) warmer than 1961-1990鈥�. Like Jim, we can see where they are coming from 鈥� an assumption that Messers Celsius and Fahrenheit used the same zero for their scales. Sadly, no (19 June).
Where they are going to is a world where the horrific 3 degrees or so of warming we鈥檙e heading for amounts to some 100 degrees for anyone clinging to the Fahrenheit scale. Daily Telegraph readers, and the entire US, watch out.
Doggy surprise
鈥淵our piece on dog dirt in Tel Aviv [24 July] reminds me of a solution proposed by Feedback鈥檚 predecessor Daedelus,鈥� writes John McIntosh from that fine instance of near-rectangular peninsula-hood, the Wirral, UK.
We narrow our eyes and try to recall a time when we could so much as remember that we had a predecessor. Meanwhile, John continues: 鈥淚t involved insetting a small device in the dog and lighting it. The device dried and then burnt the dog鈥檚 excrement, and used the heat and the principle of a bi-metal strip to balance the peristalsis of the dog鈥檚 muscles. The result was the occasional puff of smoke, and a surprise for any other dog that came sniffing around.鈥� Our eyes are no longer narrow, but wide.
Up, up and away
The Tel Aviv item also included a throwaway comment about a former letters editor of this magazine referring to logically doubtful correspondence as 鈥渢hree stops beyond Plaistow鈥�. George de Titta writes from an unspecified location in the US to show he is following our odyssey up London Underground鈥檚 District line, attaching a copy of the Tube map with Plaistow proudly circled. Glad to have you with us, George.
Taking things to the max, Terrence Threlfall writes from eight stops beyond Barking with an advert for 鈥渮ero gravity chairs鈥�.
Just the thing, we think, to accompany the zero gravity bed 鈥� importantly with anti-snore preset positions 鈥� we recently also purchased from a catalogue (20 February). We鈥檙e pleased to see that the innovative skill that goes into this breakthrough technology includes 鈥淯V resistant mesh seating鈥� 鈥� an important detail for those wanting to maintain structural integrity as they float gently up, like a cut-price Jeff Bezos, to the harsh environment of space.
A mere detail that the chairs are depicted apparently untethered resting on Earthly-looking grass. Most importantly, for comfort on the ride, the chairs have a built-in cup holder. We hope it fits a fractal cup.
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