Suck it up
Reader Simon Leach responded to Feedback鈥檚 call for papers in which The Title Tells You Everything You Need to Know with a cheery 鈥淲ell, you asked for it!鈥�.
The 鈥渋t鈥� was a copy of a report published in the British Medical Journal in 1980 under the headline .
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鈥淭he title,鈥� says Leach, 鈥渃ontains everything you need to know. However, the report answers every question that might occur to you as well. The last sentence summarises by saying 鈥楾he present patients may well have thought that the penis would be clear of the fan but were driven to new lengths by the novelty of the experience and came to grief鈥�.鈥� Leach adds: 鈥淎s junior doctors we may not have read the BMJ as assiduously as we should, but we all read this one!鈥�
Feedback muses that, whether professionally or personally, one should love one鈥檚 vacuum cleaner wisely, but not too well. If you know of another published research study with a title this satisfyingly complete, please send it to: Telltale titles, c/o Feedback.
How to de-cyst
Shiheng Zhao and Pierre Haas grossly grab your attention with the title of their study: . That done, they shift into a less folksy tone.
Zhao and Haas are based at two of the three Max Planck Institutes in Dresden, Germany. They demonstrate how to shepherd a discussion so as to minimise the yucky and maximise the technomechanical.
鈥淛ust as one is wont to poke the fruity wares peddled in supermarkets to evaluate the immediacy of their comestibility,鈥� they begin, 鈥渋ndentation of biological samples reveals mechanical properties that are intrinsically linked to their biological function.鈥�
After that, it鈥檚 all about 鈥渢he relation between the indentation force F and the displacement e of the indenter鈥� and 鈥渃alculation of the elastic deformation gradient鈥�.
If you have a fascinating skin ailment but also have friends who cringe when you tell them about it, try using Zhao and Haas鈥檚 genteel phrasing. Cysts, they point out, are simply 鈥渟pherical monolayers of polarised cells surrounding a fluid-filled lumen鈥�.
Hamburgers on meat
Several hundred Hamburgers 鈥� residents of the city of Hamburg, Germany 鈥� answered surveys about three kinds of sausage. These were select Hamburgers, all of a certain age range.
The survey鈥檚 senders, Stephan G. H. Meyerding and Magdalena Kuper at Hamburg University of Applied Sciences, limited their questions to these varieties of sausage: 鈥淢eat, plant-based or in-vitro salami.鈥�
Meat-based is the most traditional of the three salamis, while the plant-based kind has grown in popularity in recent decades. In-vitro salami 鈥� made using stem cells 鈥� is the newest comer, still finding its way from laboratories to dinner tables.
The researchers鈥� aim? .
The verdict, in their data, seems to them clear: 鈥淭he majority of Generation Y and Z in Germany prefer vegan meat over real meat, and in-vitro meat is more popular than beef or pork meat.鈥�
That verdict doesn鈥檛 seem as meaty as it might be if the study is done anew some years from now. 鈥淚n-vitro meat,鈥� say the researchers, 鈥渋s still unknown and not yet on the German market.鈥�
Eat your liver
The old complaint that kids don鈥檛 want to do what adults tell them to do has new confirmatory evidence. 聽according to the title of Vira R茅ka Nickel鈥檚 study about childhood nutrition.
Nickel is based at the Institute of Ethnology in Budapest and has gathered info about the past hundred years or so of .
During that time, eating and food preparation habits changed drastically in the nation, driven, says the study, by 鈥渢he obligation to provide public catering and the general obligation to work鈥�.
Nickel illustrates the they-don鈥檛-like-it problem with photographs, one of which bears the caption 鈥淔ried, breaded luncheon meat with creamed split peas is one of the 鈥榗lassic鈥� school meals, although it has never been one of the most popular鈥�.
There are certain meals that many children refuse to touch, a reluctance Nickel explores in some depth: 鈥淒uring our research, fried liver was one such meal. In Eger, the problem was addressed by serving only rice if the child did not want the liver. In 脫zd, the children were not given this option. The catering manager in 脫zd drew my attention to an important fact when we asked about the possibility of serving children only the part of their meal they wanted to eat: 鈥榠t鈥檚 against the law. The parents have paid for it鈥�.鈥�
Statistics and baboons
鈥淐an non-human primates perform linear regression on a graph?鈥� ask Lorenzo Ciccione and colleagues in a study that refers to 鈥渢he baboon as a statistician鈥�. Their tentative answer: somewhat, to a degree that 鈥渧aries among individuals鈥�.
Marc Abrahams created the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony and聽co-founded聽the magazine Annals of Improbable Research. Earlier, he worked on unusual ways to use computers. His website is聽.
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