ALL READERS who use e-mail will undoubtedly have received those irritating
bogus virus warnings that are effectively viruses themselves, as we discussed
here back on 5 April 1997.
Many will also have been cheered up by the spoof
warnings that have become almost as ubiquitous as the real things.
Here are two send-ups tailored for the music industry. They were new to
Feedback and may be to you as well.
鈥淚f anyone attempts to teach you a tune titled Join The Crew, do not
listen. This is not a traditional jig or a reel but is a Balkan virus in 13/8
time whose insidious counter-Celtic rhythms will erase all tunes in your memory
and the memory of anyone who hears it and replace all of them with a random
excerpt from Snoop Doggy Dog鈥檚 greatest hits. Please send this message to as
many musicians as you can. This is a new virus and not many people know about
it. There are reports of sessions in as many as 42 cities (so far) being
destroyed by this virus, with up to 300 former session musicians able only to
sit helplessly and look at their mute instruments while reciting Snoop Doggy
Dog.
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鈥淎lso, if anyone receives a CD or tape entitled Pen Pal Greetings,
throw it out without listening to it. This is a warning for all music lovers. Do
not listen to any CD or tape entitled Pen Pal Greetings. This album
appears to be a traditional album, but by the time you listen to it, it is too
late. The `Trojan horse鈥� virus will have already infected the boot sector of
your CD or tape player. It is a self-replicating virus, and once the CD or tape
is played, it will automatically attach itself to any other CD or tape you
play.
鈥淭his virus will destroy your music collection by overwriting all your music
with a 4-second rap song that repeats itself continuously for up to 23.5 hours.
This virus holds the potential to destroy the music collection of anyone to whom
you loan any CD or tape, and of anyone to whom they loan a CD, and so on. If
this virus keeps getting passed it has the potential to erase all CDs and tapes
worldwide. Please, throw out the CD or tape titled Pen Pal Greetings as
soon as you see it.鈥�
SOMETIMES it takes a while for word to get around. In October, New
杏吧原创 reported that the crude sketch of a bicycle discovered on the
back of a sheet of authentic Leonardo da Vinci drawings was in fact a modern
doodle by a bored monk
(This Week, 18 October 1997, p 28). But the editors of
Scientific American appear not to have read any of the widespread
coverage of the story that followed.
Although their January feature on Leonardo (鈥淟eonardo and the invention of
the wheel lock鈥�) makes no mention of the bike, one picture spread includes a
photograph of a full-scale model. However, the modeller has taken some liberties
in interpreting the sketch, which is too rough to show any mechanical detail.
The model includes a hand-pulled rear brake, a bicycle chain and a kickstand. No
doubt the master got tired of leaning his bike against the Santa Maria delle
Grazie in Milan every day.
Would a rear view of the model reveal a red safety light?
HELEN NORTON teaches a class of 13 and 14-year-olds. They have recently been
studying how things rust and how to stop this happening. Noron asked them to
suggest the best way to prevent a ship from rusting.
One answer was: 鈥淒on鈥檛 put it in water.鈥�
颁贬滨狈础鈥橲 booming economy has resulted in some wonderful things, not least a
market flooded with new goods, many of them with interesting names.
The Chinese can now wake up to a glass of Billion Strong Pulpy C orange juice
and then go outside and smoke a Puke cigarette. If they are feeling a bit peaky,
they can perk up with some Gensenocide ginseng and then scoff a nourishing plate
of Rat鈥檚 Tail rice.
Meanwhile, babies鈥� bottoms can be gently cleaned with Flying Baby toilet
paper, and for those who don鈥檛 want babies just yet, the obvious choice is a
Huan Bao Multifunctional Condom.
Wait a minute. Multifunctional? What other uses do they have? Feedback is
suddenly reminded of people behaving oafishly at student parties . . .
WHEN YOU鈥橰E travelling by plane, are you bothered by the tray tables
rattling? It has never worried Feedback much, but according to computer magazine
Infoworld, Sabena Belgium World Airlines was so concerned about the
problem it magnetised the tables on its new Airbus 340s.
What a splendid idea鈥攅xcept for the increasing number of passengers who
take a laptop with them when they fly and place it on the tray table to catch up
on their work.
So here鈥檚 a handy hint if you鈥檙e a flying laptop-user and you don鈥檛 want all
the data on your hard disc wiped out by a magnetised table. Take a paper clip
with you when you fly and try it out on the table first. If it sticks, keep your
laptop on your lap.
THIS WEEK鈥橲 prize for firmly grasping the blindingly obvious goes to the CNN
reporter who, during the station鈥檚 recent 鈥渟cience and technology week鈥�, talked
about 鈥減lanes flying into mountains or the ground, which is a common cause for
肠谤补蝉丑别蝉鈥�.
Indeed it is.
FINALLY, Isabelle Herbert was grateful for the instructions accompanying an
Ace sink plug she bought in the US, where such things are known as 鈥渟toppers鈥�.
There were two of them: 鈥�1. To insert, push stopper into drain opening. 2. To
remove, pull stopper by ring.鈥� How did any of us manage before companies thought
of giving us advice like this?