Soap star 鈥渃ounts to infinity鈥�
THERE is a group on Facebook called 鈥淒r Karl Kennedy: Gynaecologist, Psychiatrist, GP, Master of the Universe,鈥� which you can visit via .
For reasons that we would not presume to question, it is dedicated, so Jonathan Burton tells us, to a character in the Australian soap opera Neighbours. It makes several claims about this character鈥檚 supposed exceptional abilities, such as the fact that he 鈥渃ounted to infinity 鈥� twice鈥� and that he 鈥渄oesn鈥檛 wear a watch 鈥� HE decides what time it is鈥�.
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Claim number five, however, is of a different order: 鈥淲hen Dr K does a push-up, he isn鈥檛 lifting himself up, he鈥檚 pushing the Earth down.鈥� We are attracted to a relativistic quality in this claim, which reminds us of a remark apocryphally made by Albert Einstein himself: 鈥淭he station will leave the train at 4.15.鈥� Advanced theoretical physics makes itself felt in the most unexpected of places.
WHEN health-and-safety conscious builders arrived to do some work on Alan Potter鈥檚 office, they brought with them stickers to alert everyone to possible hazards associated with their activities. One of these said: 鈥淲ARNING 鈥� THIS IS A SOLID OBJECT.鈥�
On looking at Alan鈥檚 photo of this sticker, we could not help speculating on the circumstances in which this warning might be useful and, specifically, on which deceptively insubstantial-seeming objects the sticker ought to be placed. We completely failed to come up with anything and would be grateful if any readers can help us.
Alan himself says that the only object he saw the sticker on was a door frame 鈥� clearly not something likely to be mistakenly judged as insubstantial. What was the sticker really intended for?
鈥淭he label on the pashmina bought by Roger Plenty鈥檚 wife Judith instructed: 鈥淒ry clean only in cold water.鈥� Roger comments: 鈥淲e foresee some difficulty鈥�
OUR thanks to readers who wondered if we had missed by Russ Andrews鈥檚 hi-fi company that it had conducted 鈥渞obust scientific tests鈥� and could now state that all its claims 鈥渉ave been proven with regard to the areas in which the ASA [the UK Advertising Standards Authority] ruled we did not hold scientific evidence to back up the claims鈥�.
As we reported on 7 May 2008, the ASA had told Andrews to produce 鈥渞obust scientific evidence鈥� or stop claiming that his mains cables, which now cost up to 拢2686 a metre, improve the sound of a hi-fi system.
We had indeed seen the company鈥檚 September announcement, as well as its promise that 鈥渇ull details of the equipment and test set-up and full results will be presented in a peer-reviewed White Paper to be published in November鈥�. We thought it fair to hold off on commenting until then.
Come January 2009 and we had still not seen the promised peer-reviewed paper, so we asked if we had missed it.
No, we are assured by Russ Andrews鈥檚 spokesman: 鈥淚t hasn鈥檛 been published yet 鈥� getting the white paper written and independently reviewed has taken longer than expected.鈥�
Call us old-fashioned, but surely the time to finish a scientific paper and get it peer-reviewed is before telling the world that 鈥渟cientific research has proven鈥� your claims, not several months later.
WALKING through the covered market in Oxford, UK, Adam Potterton spotted a sign in a shop window with the claim 鈥淟ifetime guarantee on all watch batteries鈥�.
鈥淚 haven鈥檛 been in to find out what that actually means,鈥� he says. 鈥淎ny ideas?鈥�
One way to look at it is simple enough. It means the batteries are guaranteed to last as long as they last.
Keep away from big-mouthed children
A FRISBEE bought by Pete Davies has a label on it saying: 鈥淣ot suitable for children under 3 years because of small parts.鈥� The only part involved is the frisbee itself, which has a diameter of over 20 centimetres.
鈥淭here must be some pretty large-mouthed under-3-year-olds around,鈥� Pete observes.
Darwin competition 鈥� last chance to enter
FINALLY, this is your last chance to send in your entries to our competition in honour of the 200th anniversary of Darwin鈥檚 birthday. Feedback invites readers to provide 50 words on the thought-provoking theme of: 鈥淭hings you would never have heard Charles Darwin say about evolution.鈥�
The editors will reward what we judge the wittiest non-Darwinism with the framed original of the beautiful artwork in 鈥淯prooting Darwin鈥檚 tree鈥� on page 35 of our 24 January issue, signed by the artist Yulia Brodskaya.
You may enter the competition by email 鈥� with the subject line 鈥淒arwin Competition鈥�, please 鈥� or by fax or post or by going to www.newscientist.com/article/dn16399. The competition closes on Monday 16 February and no entries will be accepted after that date. The winning entry and the best runners-up will be published in the 7 March issue of New 杏吧原创.