杏吧原创

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

Gone to a better conference

SADLY, Feedback must record the passing of a favourite academic author and faithful correspondent. Cleo Borzoi鈥檚 copious output includes the classic 鈥淗arnessing angular kinetic energy from colossal cloned Rodentia: re-envisioning the hamster wheel model in green energy management鈥� (described here on 15 June 2013).

On 11 June, the day on which she passed away, Cleo received an urgent query from the organisers of the in Dalian, China, about her planned presentation 鈥淎quadog: Use of trained border collies to herd fish and protect them in vulnerable marine aquaculture facilities鈥�. Her literary executor, Phillip Clapham, notes that 鈥渢he only thing stupider than a conference accepting a ridiculous paper authored by a dog is a conference accepting a ridiculous paper authored by a dead dog. Fear not, Cleo will live on!鈥�

The London Evening Standard correctly reported 鈥渕ore than 7 million cubic centimetres of concrete鈥� in 1940s European coastal defences. Alastair Robertson asks: what鈥檚 that in elephants? Three, at 6 tonnes

Paper over space-time cracks

INTENSE surprise was the reaction of a journalist colleague who was recently asked to referee a paper entitled 鈥淔iber-Optic Cables Considered Harmful鈥� submitted to the . Had they been mistaken for an academic? Or was the request slyly apt?

A famous web search engine quickly identified the text as a generated in 2005 by some mischievous souls at MIT and their (15 August 2009). The original went missing after being submitted to an apparently bogus conference at the time, but a copy has fallen through a wormhole in the multiverse to the journal in question. Was its editor aware that our colleague had written about spoof papers for Feedback?

For the record

MOMENTS after Feedback went to the printers, we spotted a brain fart. We had said that 鈥淎ndrew Doble鈥檚 bank annoyingly limits his online transfers to 拢999,999,999,999,999.99 鈥� some 56 times the US national debt鈥� and asked 鈥淲hat does it know about inflation that we don鈥檛?鈥� (21 June). The for US national debt was at the time $17,544,440,933,912.98. So, now remembering the 鈥� 拢1 = $1.70 as this went to press 鈥� the limit was some 97 times the US debt. Had we known that the pound sterling would hit parity with the dollar this week, we鈥檇 be richer.

Crumbling without foundations

WHILE in confessional mode, we congratulate Peter Verity for asking: 鈥渋s Feedback channelling Aleister Crowley?鈥� We noted that 鈥渢he idea of a metaphor without foundation just needs a name. Translating that description into Greek seems to add gravitas: 鈥榓thelemic metaphors鈥�, we think鈥� (26 April).

We had asked an online translation service for the Greek for 鈥渇oundation鈥�. We may be suffering late-onset dyslexia: the transliteration of is 鈥�themelio鈥�. Or were we misled by our desire to create an antonym to the late occultist Crowley鈥檚 鈥渓aw of Thelema鈥� 鈥� 鈥渄o what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law鈥�? Whoops.

Skeuomorphic symbol and sign

SO ARE metaphors without foundation 鈥渁themelic鈥�? Brian Darvell also spotted the Crowley reference, which we acknowledge above is incorrect 鈥� and compared the underlying concept to the widespread use of outdated images, such as the roll-film box camera on signs warning of all-electronic speed cameras.

Ah, those would be skeuomorphs 鈥� which word we believe covers 鈥済estures that refer back to a meaning that is no longer relevant, such as Anita Gait鈥檚 鈥榓ir scribble鈥� when requesting the bill in a restaurant鈥� (28 May 2011).

Arthur Prent, catching up on back issues, suggested recently that this gesture represents not the manual signing of a cheque, but the still older request to a waiter to please write out the bill by hand.

Those scribbles, speed camera signs, the steam locomotives warning of electric trains crossing and the cardboard file folders on your computer screen (13 August 2011) are all, in a sense, metaphors realised in two or three dimensions. Will 鈥渟keuomorph鈥� do, then?

Metaphors once upon a time

AND, Michael Truscott asks, 鈥淐an you have a metaphor that isn鈥檛 founded, at some point, in the past?鈥� He offers 鈥渁pologies for the pedantry 鈥� but as a lawyer it鈥檚 one of the things I enjoy about Feedback鈥�. We now attempt to construct and deploy a metaphor that has never had a foundation in reality. We tried doing it from the rich seam that is legal language, but are now mining works acknowledged as fiction instead. May the Force may be with us.

Between rocks and hard places

FINALLY, one of the most widely used metaphors without foundation, says David Holdsworth, is 鈥渓owest common denominator鈥�, which is invariably used to refer to the highest common factor. Considering whether to set out an explanation for the hypothetical puzzled reader, while not requiring the construction of an extension to this page, we found ourselves between a rock and a hard place.

Investigation of that phrase led to its likely foundations in the history of a in 1917: see .

We instead leave the arithmetic as an exercise for the reader and suggest a name for the phenomenon that David mentions: 鈥渨rong鈥�.