Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Ferrari jumps the units shark
FURTHER to Feedback鈥檚 report on competition between the blue whale and the double-decker bus as metaphorical masses (14 February), we delve into our piling system and wonder, not without pride, whether colleagues on other publications are competing for a mention here. Or is there another explanation for the proliferation of articles that make truly bizarre comparisons, apparently to help readers grasp quantities?
Ralph Platten sends , a Swiss newspaper, reporting that the extinct shark Carcharocles megalodon had the mass of a blue whale. Fair enough. But in case that wasn鈥檛 enough, it expands with rare specificity: 鈥渙r about 61 Ferrari F12 Berlinetta鈥�. Is this a reference to the paper鈥檚 owner鈥檚 wheels, or what?
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Marketing and arithmetic: not happy together. Tony Richey wonders how Domino鈥檚 Pizza鈥檚 offer of 鈥渟avings of up to & over 拢350鈥� means more than 鈥渟avings鈥�
Multiple metaphor mayhem
CRAMMING the greatest possible number of metaphorical meta-units into one piece seems to be a pastime for some writers. Eddie Aitken sends , a newspaper, extolling a jet engine from Rolls-Royce, a proud remnant of the UK鈥檚 manufacturing base.
Its fan case is 鈥渨ider than the fuselage of Concorde鈥�; the fan can inhale 鈥渦p to 1.3 tonnes (more than a squash court) of air every second鈥�; each turbine blade generates as much power as 鈥渁 Formula 1 racing car鈥�; and 鈥渢he force on a fan blade at take-off is鈥� the same as nine London buses.鈥� What? No blue whales?
Oceans and oceans of units
SHIPS, for some reason, attract multi-unit extravaganzas. We wondered whether an example from Bloomberg News, comparing the world鈥檚 five largest ships to seven organisms and landmarks, was the result of a bet in the office (8 March 2014). James Madden sent about the floating gas-processing platform Prelude that managed to allude to football pitches, Eiffel Towers, Empire State Buildings and Sydney Opera Houses.
Now four readers alert us to descriptions of the Globe, which was briefly the world鈥檚 largest freighter. John Medhurst enumerated the metaphors in another : Olympic swimming pools; London buses; pairs of shoes; tablet computers; tins of baked beans; 鈥渁n office block lying on its side鈥�; football pitches; and vacuum cleaners as a unit of power, nodding to European Union energy-saving regulations that set a ceiling for these. And, he laments, there was 鈥渘ot an elephant in sight鈥�. Then a message arrived from Leo Condron pointing us to the , among other things, that the Globe can carry 955 million clementines; and the , that it can hold 900 million tins of baked beans.
One of these is wrong, unless each fruit has its own silken pillow. We know not which, but we suspect spoon-feeding by a public relations creature with a calculator and a quiet afternoon.
How large are your chips?
WE DO not claim that this august publication is exempt from metaphorical exuberance. Stephen Withall noted a report on how ants munch litter in New York (6 December 2014, p 15). Specifically, 鈥渁bout 60,000 hot dogs or 600,000 potato crisps in a year鈥�. 鈥淲ith the bread roll or without?鈥� asks Stephen. And, either way, 鈥渟urely even New York doesn鈥檛 have crisps as large as 0.1 hot dogs?鈥�
Slither of a name challenge
CRISPS may have appeared adjacent to error in this here column, too (24 January). Seven readers pointed, and some giggled, at the phrase 鈥渃rispy fried slithers of male human鈥� as an interpretation of 鈥淢AN CRISPS鈥�.
We rather hoped that our source had deliberately sneaked this past six pairs of editorial eyes to imply something slippery. Disappointingly, she meant 鈥渟livers鈥�. (The Oxford Dictionary does, however, .) This episode thus confirms Grant Hutchison鈥檚 suggestion of 鈥渁 need for a word to designate the sort of spelling error that reveals a person鈥檚 accent.鈥� Our source is indeed of Cockney extraction, and the usage does echo the orthography of London novelist Charles Dickens. So what is this word to be? The words sound the same only under particular circumstances, so they鈥檙e not homophones as in 鈥渨hich witch?鈥�. Hemihomophones or humophones?
Mis-parsed nomenclature plea
MEANWHILE Andy Johnson-Laird requests a word for 鈥渨ords that are mis-parsed by our minds鈥�. He refers to 鈥渕ishits鈥�, which he reads as 鈥� 鈥榤i-鈥� followed by the rest of the word鈥�, and the website (which in fact sells pens). Over to you鈥�
Tweet with great care now
A QUICK search of the US and EU trademark registers reveals no legal claims on use of the above-mentioned 鈥減enisland鈥�. Take care henceforth, however, when using 鈥淭weet鈥�. The Twitter corporation鈥檚 application to extend its protection in the EU to more than 750 contexts (3 January) was . If referring to 鈥淭weet鈥� in connection with pelisses, gabardines or religious meetings, you must now capitalise the word.
Confusing, on the whale
FINALLY, whales are more than metaphorical units 鈥� they breed philosophical puzzles too. Phillip Clapham sends a translation 鈥� not necessarily much touched by the human hand 鈥� of a Japanese Sankei News editorial. It refers to 鈥渁 slow increase in the number of extinct blue whales鈥�.
Feedback now wants an Aspirin and a cold drink.
